after Marty McConnell
It may feel like this is decades too late,
or maybe you had to be left for metaphorical
Paris’s, and shiny new simple girls.
You will never be easy or beige, or able to wear white
without spilling wine and words all over yourself.
There will always be one hair out of place, waiting
for a lover or friend to tuck it behind your ear.
Let your therapist make a map of your heart
so you stop finding the wrong men, who don’t know
how to love themselves, let alone you.
Go dancing with your girls, take a trip west,
drive a classic car with your hair down.
Don’t try to tame your curls,
Stop asking yourself why he didn’t choose you,
there will never be an answer offering you peace.
You loved a man who didn’t know how to handle
a big deal he couldn’t pin down, or solve, one
who couldn’t fit neatly into the compartments
in his head.
Find lovers who will build a home for you,
fly you across the world. Fill your house
with flowers. Go on adventures with the friends
who surround you. Collect stamps in your passport
to the places he said he’d take you, but never did:
Thailand, Prague, New Zealand, Rome.
Build your own castle out of books
Wear sparkly shoes, and cupcake dresses.
Become your own Queen.
Marisa Silva-Dunbar's work has been published in 24 Neon Magazine, Chantarelle's Notebook, Cabinet of Heed, and Marias At Sampaguitas. She is a contributing writer at Pussy Magic, and is part of the Legend City Collective. Her work is forthcoming in Sybil Journal, and The Charles River Journal. Marisa is the founder and EIC of Neon Mariposa Magazine. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @thesweetmaris.