In sixth grade, Neopets accused me of participating in an illegal pet adoption and subsequently froze my account. I filled out the ‘Contact Us’ form multiple times to no avail; the staff didn’t believe me. Forced to abandon Nbaqueen9099, I had to make a new account.
Around this same time, the Jonas Brothers cover of “Year 3000” debuted on Disney Channel. Commercial bathroom breaks immediately ceased. I was sure that, the second I walked out of the room, the music video would come on again. On more than one occasion, when my bladder pains stabbed like bowie knives, I screamed for my dad to stand guard. I peed with wild fury, all the while listening for the deep boom of his voice: “IT’S ONNNNN!” We count this as the first sign I hit puberty; I had joined fangirl culture. The Jonas Brothers, my Beatles, my world.
So naturally, I chose JoBros9099 as my new Neopets identity. The username prompted dozens of fellow fans to ‘friend’ me in comradery. Most of us had pets named Nick, Kevin, and Joe, plus a sequence of numbers and underscores. I quickly gained street cred on the forums because I had a fourth pet named Frankie, the Bonus Jonas who wasn’t well-known at the time. (Thanks, Tiger Beat). We formed a small community, us fans. We messaged each other gleefully, asking “Where were you when you first heard ‘Year 3000?’” and “Who’s your favorite Jonas Brother?”
Most of my Neopets friends, and my real life ones, were Joe-girls. Probably because he seemed to be the front man. He had the best stage presence, most mature voice, and a glorious jawline. My friend Mikayla could not believe I liked Nick. His face was still round with boyhood, his hair a curly mop, his voice high and squeaky. But man, I loved those vocal runs. Besides, Nick was only two years older than me, so I had the best chance with him. We were clearly meant to me. Those Tiger Beat quizzes told me so.
You see, Mr. Jonas pastored an Assemblies of God church before his sons found fame, the same type of church I attended. Each of the brothers wore a purity ring on their left hand. Same here. I firmly believed God would give me Nick Jonas for a husband, but I kept the prophecy a secret, especially from my friends on Neopets. They would surely get jealous and band against me. Unlike at Gladstone Middle, I was cool in this community. There were stakes.
One day I received a message from this girl named Mandy, telling me she loved my username. She liked Joe best (no competition for me), so we quickly became the best of friends. Mandy and I spent hours messaging back and forth about the Jonas Brothers, our lives, and our dreams. After a couple weeks, Mandy told me she felt she could trust me. Her confession? She was the Mandy, the one Joe was singing about on their first record, “It’s About Time.” A childhood friend of the Jonas family, Mandy knew them all well. She even briefly dated Joe. It ended amicably, so they were still in touch. I nearly fainted. This was my in, a direct path to Nick. Glory hallelujah.
The next day at school, I made Mikayla pinky swear on her life before I told her.
You’re an idiot, she said. You’re being tricked by some random girl. Stop being so gullible.
You don’t even know her, I said.
Later that day, I logged on and messaged Mandy.
How do I know you’re the real Mandy? I wrote.
Mandy responded with news. The night before, she had told Nick all about me on IM, and he told her to tell me hi. Happy tears hit the keyboard. Nick Jonas wanted to talk to me, a no one from nowhere. My elusive dreams gained tangibility, and I couldn’t let go of Neopets Mandy. For weeks, she was the go-between for conversations with Nick. It was never anything complicated; he was much too busy for that, you know?
Mikayla still didn’t buy it. She assured me that it was all invention from this girl, who probably wasn’t even named Mandy. But why would she do that? How cruel do you have to be to warp someone’s dream?
I confronted Mandy again. This time, she said Nick wanted to video chat since he didn’t know when we could meet in person. She had thrown me another bone, and I hung on for a little bit longer, talking to Nick, to Mandy. Every few days, I would ask her when Nick would be free for the video chat, and she’d reply, oh he’s too busy this week in the studio. That would appease me for a few more days, and we would talk about normal things again. But I stayed on her, asking and asking and asking, desperate to see Nick’s face, to prove to Mikayla it was all real. Nick and I were friends. He cared about me.
But the more I asked, the busier Nick was. Eventually, he stopped talking altogether, and not long after, so did Mandy. She receded into the void of the Internet as quickly as she had emerged, and I once more was alone with my dream. Maybe I hadn’t heard from God after all. Maybe I never would.
Anissa Lynne Johnson is a writer and motivational speaker from Gladstone, MI. When she isn’t traveling the world, she can be found at home with her husband and eleven plant children either playing Catan or watching Tom Hanks movies.