This is a tough opinion to express because I know so many of you will want to fight me, but the new Dune 2021 movie: It’s good, actually.

Why do people hate this movie so much? Yeah, I know, everyone loved David Lynch’s version, and why mess with a good thing, right? David Lynch brought complexity, otherworldly weirdness, and his own artistic vision to a very difficult and sometimes dry text. Lynch wasn’t afraid of long expositions or hard to follow plot lines, and he brought all his freaky flair to the project. He even managed to bring world renowned jazz and tantric sex enthusiast, Sting, into the movie. So why re-invent such a beautiful octagonal wheel?

The Hollywood Gods, that is why. Hollywood Gods and their quota of sacrificial remakes. Director Denis Villeneuve had already filled his original movies punch-card, and his massive flop with Blade Runner 2049 took him out of the race for further dated sequels. The Hollywood Gods had him pinned against the Hollywood sign: Produce some remakes or else. With Batman (remake #∞) and The Wild Bunch musical by Lin-Manuel already taken, Villeneuve had to settle for the grim prospect of having to remake the strange Frank Herbert classic under the shadow of superstar weirdo Lynch. I can imagine the struggle in Villeneuve mind: Well, if I have to try to do better than Jodorowsky’s imagination and better than Sting, I mean, Lynch’s masterpiece, then I better bring in some really fabulous looking people into this remake. Enter favorite bearded horse whisperer heartthrob Jason Momoa, Spanish ugly-but-handsome heartthrob Javier Bardem, perennial sci-fi frozen monument heartthrob (since Han Solo was defrosted), Oscar Isaac, and stellar Nordic token and ugly-but-ugly heartthrob Stellan Skarsgård.

Villeneuve knew this remake would face and uphill battle to get audiences to attend in the millions that God Warner demanded, so he stacked the deck by bringing in more pretty people. Pre-Paul is Dead Paul McCartney sad-eyes Timothée Chalamet plays the leading role of Keanu “Paul” Reeves and Streisand stepson and James Brolin clone, Josh Brolin plays the boy with the guns. Villeneuve also included a few female roles to achieve the perfect male/female ratio of about 3 women to a thousand men that Hollywood Gods demand of these type of remake sacrifices. Villeneuve even made sure to include box office one-name-wonder and iCarly toy model Zendaya in at least 30 seconds of dream sequence screentime to fine tune that balance.

He couldn’t take any chances or the Hollywood Gods would have him for brunch over egg-whites-only eggs benedict, so Villeneuve spent the other half of his Gambia-government-budget-sized budget on the most killer CGI this side of Marriage Story. Villeneuve covered all his intergalactic bases.  

And yet, within minutes of its release, Twitter was aflame with dissatisfaction:

“Not funny at all.”

“Not enough gore.”

“No sex.”

“Battle only lasts 30 minutes.”

“Barden’s face wasn’t big enough on screen.”

“They shaved Jason Momoa!”

“Stellan Skarsgård: worst Jabba the Hutt, ever.”

“Paul has been dead.”

“We already know Nemo is The One.”

“There were no light sabers or Darth Vaders.”

“Why are Elon Musk and Captain Kirk not in this movie?”

Serious academic critiques totes hating on Dune 2021 also increased 100% since the movie’s release. University of Alabama’s Dr. Leonid Peter Johnson’s “The Continued use of Islamic Actors to Portray Stories About Decent White Men Who Have a Hard Time with All the Money and Power,” and Richard Tool Taylor’s “Tokenism in the Inclusion of British Black Women Actors as Scientists in Dune 2021,” both were published mere minutes after release.  The hate is real.

Before telling you why Dune 2021 is good, actually, let me say, I hear you, haters. I know that Villeneuve basically contrived a slightly better than mediocre Marvel/Star Wars/Star Trek/Tremors/Matrix universe that we’ve already seen a million times. I know that he flattened the characters so much that you have to read the book while watching the movie if you want to give them depth. I know that he skipped right over the actual depth of the Dune book’s social, ecological, and historical critique in favor of grand desert vistas and cool buildings. I know we’re all tired of seeing Dukes and Emperors suffering their honorable lives. And, oh my Hollywood Gods, I know he shaved Momoa.

All that being said, hear me out, Dune 2021, is good, actually. The extra-looooong shots of beautiful vistas of people waiting to arrive some place, or waiting for someone to arrive from some place, or just looking out into the distance, are unlike anything we’ve seen before in CGI reality. The lack of depth in performance by the most interesting looking actors of our time was done with beauty and conviction not seen since Zoolander. The displays of costumes, weapons, vehicles, and buildings will probably spawn multiple spin-offs. And all the mirage and shimmer of the desert feels like it was created by Dr. Manhattan himself (uncredited). And to top it all, the Hans Zimmer score is simply majestic, full of waves of hot and cold soundscapes, sandy melodies, epic crescendos and crushing diminuendos. The soundtrack is also easily forwardable/rewindable without losing any of its flow. Because of these reasons and for having more sensual output than RuPaul’s Drag Race, I submit that Dune 2021 is not only the best Wallpaper Movie of the 20s, but possibly the biggest budgeted Wallpaper Movie of all time, and very likely one of the best. Right up there with Godfrey Reggio and Philip Glass’ Koyaanisqatsi. It is time for the Academy Awards to start awarding a Best Wallpaper Movie Oscar, and what better time than now with such a magnificent entry.

If you are one of the millions who flocked to the theater to laugh and/or hate on Dune 2021, you should watch it again. At home. Wallpaper movies are not meant for theaters. For those of you who saw it at home but are not familiar with the wallpaper genre and failed to enjoy it, you may also want to watch it again. Here’s some advice for re-watching Dune 2021, wallpaper style. First, get the biggest screen you can find that fits on one of your walls. I think Costco has some giant-sized TVs for about a hundred bucks or your soul. Get one of those. Then, and this is probably the most important part, don’t face the screen while watching it. Like a solar eclipse, Dune 2021, and other wallpaper movies may cause retinal and mental damage if you stare at them directly. Try turning 45 or even 90 degrees, so that the screen is at your side. Then while the movie plays, stare into the distance in front of you, or at your vintage Star Wars poster on the wall, you could even play a game on your phone (muted of course). My personal recommendation is that you take out that old, yellowed book copy of Frank Herbert’s Dune you’ve had stashed away since college and read it while the movie plays on the periphery. You’ll get all the goods from book, plus that beautiful soundtrack and vistas just off the side of your eye, pleasant and undistracting.  Make sure to put the movie in auto-replay cause it’s only two and a half hours long.

Who knows, by the time you’re done reading the book, part 2 might be out and you can start again, and you won’t care when they bring out Justin Timberlake in a golden thong.

RC Hopgood was born in Puerto Rico, and lived in Texas, Mexico, NYC and Colorado. He is the author of “Bellows: Fables from the Musical Underground,” (Hmm, 2013) and a year-long 52 entry blog about his upbringing in Puerto Rico, “Cuentos del Barrio Machuchal” (machuchal.blogspot.com, 2014-2015). His words (in English and Español) have appeared in The Non-Alignment Pact, The Write Launch, La Calle Loíza, SPOT, Plasmotica, and elsewhere. Currently, he lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Twitter @rc_hopgood.