Photo by Fabrizio Conti on Unsplash
I mourn the past because I have regrets. I regret not speaking up when I was shunned by my ‘friends’. I regret not eating that extra scoop of buttered pecan ice-cream after I was humiliated by my overly-brawny uncle. I regret camouflaging my rainbows for so long cause the static monochrome overpowered my self-possession. My remorsefulness overthrew my yearning, my needs suppressed my wants. Even if I was too young to rebel, my nails gnawed themselves to the quick - waiting for the future.
I mourn the present because everything remained the same, even if things didn’t. My real friends don’t shun me but I still sew my lips shut after every inconvenience. I still deprive myself from that extra scoop of buttered pecan ice-cream, even if I lost the weight. The flag is drenched with its rainbow hue yet the monochrome is still imprinted within. My yearning is still there - my wants are still invaded by my needs and my nails have not grown back yet.
I mourn the future since I don't even know if there's a future to begin with. I crave a future yet I detest it. I want to be involved in something evolutionary yet I am petrified of the unprecedented destiny. The new technological advances, new species discovered, to set foot into mind-blowing state-of-the-art facilities, to ingest trendy delectables from an addictive mobile application, to dive into lakes, lagoons, oceans and rivers from all over the continents, to sing in different karaoke bars, to kiss you in landmarks which we don’t even know existed. - I just want to be there - to envision while I’m sighted , to breathe while I’m living.
Terrence Mifsud is a twenty-one-year old speech & language pathology student at the University of Malta. Whenever he's not busy reading or scribbling on his notepad, he is concocting a tray of cupcakes in the kitchen.